Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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