My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
