I am puke
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize