I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
