If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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