Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
