did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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