so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
