Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
