Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
