So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
