I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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