I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
