i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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