1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
