Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
