I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
