Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
