I accidentally burped into my bong.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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