I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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