If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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