So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
