Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize