Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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