So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize