Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
