If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
