so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize