The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
