I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
