I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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