I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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