He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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