i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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