Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
