I want to make a zoo with you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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