what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
