The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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