Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize