Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
