ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
