If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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