omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
