We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
