he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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