youre lurking in front of me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
