I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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