the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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