i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
