I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
