remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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