Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
