...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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