Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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