I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
