What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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