I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
COCAINE IS GR8
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
