I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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