Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
