I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
