Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
