One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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