last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
