I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
