how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
