Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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