And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
