This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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