went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
