birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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