how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
