Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
