i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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